This is an interesting topic, and one which has, I believe, caused the most friction within our local churches. It may be the reason why so many Christians do not attend church. It may be one of the reasons some Christians can’t stop criticizing the local church.
Let me tell you something, and this is from my over 20 years in church leadership (including nearly half of that time in pastoral positions in churches and three years of formal seminary training). Many local churches do not have the correct understanding of the expectations they lay on both church staff, and the congregation generally. I believe that the incorrect expectations come from ignorance, not generally from a desire to control or “lord it over” others. They truly don’t understand what the Bible says about how churches should operate. They instead depend on traditions and the attitude of “but this is how we have always done it.”
I will say this, as far as sideboards on the discussion, that all church ministry needs to be done in an attitude of pastoral care. What I mean is, we need to care for others in such a way that they perceive it as care, from their perspective, not ours. Now that kind of approach means that we need to actually think about the other person – who they are, what stage of life they’re in, what they have just gone through, or what they are hurting over. We need to think about these things as we respond to them and “care” for them. Care cannot be expressed in ways that only relate to us and how we do things.
I can see that I need an illustration at this point! For instance, let’s say we have a young family, with a couple of toddlers, who just joined our congregation. And the church has a policy that states, “all parents must assist with Sunday School,” and, since this young family is bringing their children to the church, we require at least on eof them to participate in Sunday School as an assistant once a month, or however often. If we lay that expectation on this new family, they are likely to not come back! That is truly not love, but a burden we have just laid on that young family. Now, some families may take up that burden and participate, but they will eventually get fed up with the work, and leave for a place of rest!
What about the expectation to work in the church? Don’t we need people to help out? Yes, but this type of expectation should not come before a loving relationship is established first. The love must come first, then, in time, the people will feel free to enjoy helping and volunteering. They will serve out of love, because they have been shown love – first. People come to church, first and foremost, because they want to be loved. They don’t want to be looked at as a warm body to fill a seat. They don’t want to be looked at as a statistic. They don’t want to be ignored in lieu of the established (“serving”) members. And they for certain don’t want to feel “judged” as one who is not meeting unmentioned expectations!
Love. This is what it’s all about! If our attitude is not first, “How do I love this person?” and “How can I learn what kind of love they require,” then we’re not promoting the appropriate kinds of expectations in the church. Everyone wants to be loved. Not just people who give their time and money; not just those who serve continually in the church; not just those who look like they need it! Everyone needs it. Let’s love first!
